Today I gave my talk “Applied social engineering: much easier than it looks” again, this time at Google Campus Madrid.
I have given it a few times now and one thing keeps surprising me: it draws more interest than other talks of mine that are far more technical and took a lot more work. I suppose the reason is simple. Anyone can follow the topic, and it is fun to watch.
I wanted to leave two things here. First, the slides, which you can find on SlideShare. Second, the summary I wrote for myself years ago of the Dale Carnegie book I talk about in the session, with the full list of rules.
I will say in writing what I say out loud: handle these rules with care and do not apply them to the letter, because many of them are ethically questionable and some border on psychological abuse (or at least that is how I see it).
Fundamental techniques in handling people
- RULE 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
- RULE 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- RULE 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six ways to make people like you
- RULE 4: Become genuinely interested in other people.
- RULE 5: Smile.
- RULE 6: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- RULE 7: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- RULE 8: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- RULE 9: Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.
How to win people to your way of thinking
- RULE 10: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- RULE 11: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong”.
- RULE 12: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- RULE 13: Begin in a friendly way.
- RULE 14: Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” immediately.
- RULE 15: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- RULE 16: Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs.
- RULE 17: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. Be sympathetic with their ideas and desires.
- RULE 18: Appeal to the nobler motives.
- RULE 19: Dramatize your ideas.
- RULE 20: Throw down a challenge, tactfully.
Be a leader
- RULE 21: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- RULE 22: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- RULE 23: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- RULE 24: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- RULE 25: Let the other person save face.
- RULE 26: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”.
- RULE 27: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- RULE 28: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- RULE 29: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
